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Parents Help Children Find Mates Online

Jun 18, 2015 | 2 Comments

By Candice Gage

In The New York Times article titled “Hey Mom, Call Me When You Find My Wife,” author Ji Hyun Lee looks at the trend of parents using online dating services to help their adult children find spouses. Check out this excerpt:

Some mothers — and some fathers, too — will do just about anything to see their marriage-age offspring settle down, even if that means going where parents ordinarily should never go — online and into their children’s posted dating profiles.

“It’s almost like outsourcing your online dating to your mom,” said Kevin Leland, chief executive of TheJMom.com, a Jewish matchmaking site and one of several Web sites that have arisen to cater to parents, some with more money than patience, who want to see that ideal match made.

Some Korean-American mothers who claim that it is their prerogative, or at least it should be, to be granted the right of first refusal on their children’s marital selections, are known to search the Web for mates on sites like Duo. Duo is a traditional matchmaking service based in South Korea that also has a Web site designed to cater to the hopes and ideals of the parents first and the children second. Some 80 percent of the site’s clients are mothers inquiring on behalf of their sons, according to Julia Lee, whom Duo refers to as a couples coordinator. Often, she said, “the parents pay for the service and give them as a surprise gift for the children.” That gift involves filling out a 160-question survey of a candidate’s characteristics, which is then entered into the company’s matching system.

One of the parents quoted in the article wisely adds: “If your parent is assertive or too involved in your life, this is not what they should be doing. It’s only if there is respect for the child, and the child doesn’t mind.”

Here at Marry Well, we encourage singles to invite parents and spiritual leaders to be involved in the online dating process using the “References” feature. Like some of the parents cited in the Times’ article suggest, singles sometimes need an outside perspective on people they are considering as mates. Having family involved from the very beginning does not guarantee the success of a relationship, but it can certainly help. While the prospect may seem old fashioned, just remember that there is a reason parents have historically been involved in helping their children to marry well.

What about you? Do you have family involved in your online dating life? Why or why not?

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