by Motte Brown
For couples who’ve been dating a year or more, it’s as simple as this: get married or break up. Here’s an excerpt from Scott Croft’s From ‘Hi’ to ‘I Do’ in a Year explaining why.
To put it simply, “not acting married before you’re married” … gets exponentially more difficult the longer a pre-marital relationship persists. If … our goal is to move positively toward God-glorifying lives (rather than simply to “walk the line” by attempting to satisfy our fleshly desires as much as possible without sinning), wisdom and godliness would seem to counsel keeping relationships shorter.
And if you think your circumstance (e.g., long distance relationship, in college, etc.) warrants a longer relationship, Scott provides some compelling reasons why it doesn’t matter.
Here’s his answer to the “long distance” excuse:
“This argument doesn’t really apply to us, because we’re in a long-distance relationship.”
I think it does, even if the physical circumstances are different. As to emotional intimacy, we live in the age of e-mail, free long distance and unlimited any-time minutes, and cheap flights. It’s still really easy to “act married” emotionally, even in a long-distance relationship.
As to physical intimacy, many long-distance couples have told me that because they are not physically close to one another as often, they actually experience more intense physical temptation when they’re together. And again, if you believe the stats, long-distance couples don’t do any better than others at staying physically pure.
My situation was pretty straight forward — two singles going to the same church begin dating. Six months into the relationship, however, I still wasn’t thinking about marriage. Thankfully, a mature Christian intervened with a firm but gentle, “Son, that’s plenty long enough for you to know whether or not you want to marry her. You need to fish or cut bait.”
Maybe your circumstance is different. Or maybe you just need someone you trust to tell you to get married or break up. It worked for us.
God created us as men to lead and take the initiative. And that means taking risks. ... More>>
When it comes to meeting a potential spouse, do you have reservations about that connection occurring online? ... More>>
Too often in dating relationships we think and act like consumers rather than servants. And not very good consumers at that. ... More>>
It feels like no matter what we decide, one of us will be the winner and the other, the loser. ... More>>
If you're reluctant to go out with someone because you're unsure about the relationship potential, you may be hindering your marriage prospects. ... More>>
There's a lot of mystery on the path to marriage, but there are simple ways to lessen the mystery and to keep from adding more. ... More>>
Too many young guys are waiting for writing in the sky before they make a relational commitment. It doesn't have to be that complicated. ... More>>
My question is, "How important is spiritual leadership in a potential mate?" I consider it very important, but many married women I've spoken to in church tell me it's just a "wish list". ... More>>
Six biblically-based reasons for women to change their names when they get married. ... More>>
Monogamish — A term coined by sex columnist Dan Savage to describe relationships in which a couple is emotionally intimate only with each other yet engages in sexual infidelities or group sexual activity. ... More>>